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Safer Sex

Sex can be part of any stage of a woman's life no matter what her circumstances, or personal situation.

The key to enjoying a fulfilling sexual relationship is about understanding ourselves and our partners, and growing with and accepting each other.

Sex and ageing

As we age we’re constantly developing and changing, but there are some things we can expect to enjoy as much as always and, thankfully, taking pleasure in a loving and caring relationship is one of them. And yes, that can include sex. As we grow older our attitudes towards, and desire for, sex can change.

It’s important to remember, regardless of your stage of life, enjoying a sexual relationship is not purely about sexual intercourse. It’s about thinking and feeling sexy, touching, kissing, caressing, cuddling, and talking about sex. While many older couples might report their sex drive has diminished, they’re usually referring to their desire for intercourse. They may still love, touch, hug and caress or masturbate.

Libido

It’s normal for desire to fluctuate, and while there may be many reasons for this. As we grow older the hormonal changes associated with menopause may influence desire and arousal for many women. Remember too that a man’s libido may also be influenced by many things, such as age, illness, stress or medication, just like with women.

Oestrogen loss at midlife causes much of the discomfort (eg vaginal dryness, loss of vaginal elasticity or contact bleeding) that can occur during intercourse. This can create a negative association with sex. Water-based lubricants or oestrogen cream applied locally may help to relieve these symptoms. Lower oestrogen can also influence our perception of touch, and may decrease muscle tone and elasticity of the pelvic floor. Hot flushes and night sweats can impact on sleep, which may make women tired and lethargic and uninterested in sex.

Improving libido

The good news is that simple lifestyle changes can ease symptoms. Changing what you eat, being more physically active, trying a lubricant and seeking advice from a health practitioner may offer some relief. Talking to your partner about the changes you’re experiencing can also help, as it not only lifts some of your anxiety, but may help your sex life. Studies of women who have used oestrogen and progestogen therapy (Hormone Therapy) have found vaginal dryness improves and overall the vagina, vaginal walls and cervix improve in elasticity and thickness.

Changing sexual partners

Another factor, increasingly relevant to some women as they age, is changing sexual partners. With the high divorce rate and women being more likely to outlive men, some women find themselves facing new relationships at an older age. Until menopause is reached women are not totally protected from pregnancy, despite the decline in fertility during perimenopause. The safer sex message is just as important at this time.

The risk of Sexually Transmissible Infections (STIs), remains a lifelong concern and knowledge of safer sex practices, including the use of condoms and other preventative measures, is important.

Safer sex guidelines

Being born before the age of HIV and other sexually transmissible infections, such as chlamydia, many older women commencing new relationships for the first time in 25 years forget about applying safer sex rules.

For those who weren’t brought up with safer sex messages, there are some useful guidelines for prevention of STIs:

Have a check-up for STIs before having sex
Use condoms and dams (latex rubber sheets used for oral sex)
Talk to partners about sexual health
Limit the number of sexual partners

The good news

There is no physical reason why you can’t enjoy a safe, happy and satisfying sex life. Your sexual drive can be influenced by the changes you experience as you age but understanding these changes, and becoming comfortable in knowing how to deal with them, will make a difference. And the good news is that many older women actually find that their sex lives improve as they become more comfortable with their bodies and who they are.

It is important that society frees older women from sexual taboos, stereotypes and misconceptions as a way of trying to control their sexuality and sexual behaviour. With information and support, women can challenge negative social attitudes and continue to enjoy and express their sexuality in their own way.

Ten Safer Sex Messages

It’s not who you are, but what you do that puts you at risk of an STI.

A sexually transmissible infection (STI) can be spread from one person to another during unprotected sex, (vaginal, oral or anal) including the first time you have sex or the 100th.
Condoms are an effective barrier against most STIs. This includes HIV as well. Some STIs, such as herpes, genital warts and pubic lice, may still be spread even if a condom is used. Remember, condoms are useful for preventing pregnancy as well!
An STI (which includes HIV, genital herpes and warts, chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomonas, pubic lice, syphilis and hepatitis B) is an infection that can be spread from one person to another during unprotected sex.
Safer sex is sex where semen, vaginal secretions or blood are not exchanged between partners. The exchange of these body fluids can occur with the following sexual activities: vaginal sex, anal sex, oral sex, oral anal contact, fingers or objects in vagina or anus if they have these fluids on them.
Unprotected sex with your regular partner will only be safe as long as both partners are only having sex with each other.
Withdrawal (pulling out before ejaculation) is not safe because sexual fluids can be released before ejaculation (known as pre-ejaculatory fluid).
There are some STIs that are able to be transmitted through unprotected oral sex, including herpes, gonorrhoea and chlamydia.
If either you or your partner has an STI, you need to practise safer sex to minimise the risk of becoming infected. See your health practitioner for further advice.
Anyone can catch an STI, whatever their sexual orientation. Practise safer sex by avoiding contact with your partner’s body fluids to reduce your risk of STIs. Use dental dams if you are having oral sex. Dental dams are small sheets of latex rubber that act as a shield between the vagina and the mouth.
You cannot tell if a sexual partner has an STI. A strong and healthy person may still be infected. Some people may not even know they are infected. You risk getting an STI from any partner who has had, or is having, unsafe sex with another person.