1.  Listen, rather than try and fix things

Listen to what your partner is saying about the changes she is experiencing with menopause. Sometimes we think if someone tells us they have a problem they want us to fix it. Really what a woman may want and need is for their partner to just listen and be supportive.

2. Understand what ‘menopause’ is

Seek information on the physical and emotional changes that menopause can cause. Learn what symptoms your partner might be experiencing and what treatment options are available to help with these symptoms.

3. Know that menopause is a very individual experience

Each woman will experience menopause in her own way. Some women experience debilitating symptoms and suffer terribly while others don’t even realise they have gone through menopause.  How each woman deals with her menopause will also depend on her personality and coping skills.   

4. Understand what is actually happening to your partner with menopause

Ask your partner to list her symptoms and prioritise what is causing her the most distress, the next most distressing and so on. Find out how she may be able to go about relieving these symptoms and what you can do to help. Remember the task is not to fix things but to be supportive and listen.

5. Try not to take things personally

If your partner is experiencing symptoms of menopause which are impacting on her life you may be asked to make changes that you are not too happy about. For example you may be asked to sleep in another room because night sweats are making sleeping in a bed with you uncomfortable for her and she worries about disturbing you. Keep in mind, changing the sheets three or four times in the night is no picnic for you anyway! It may only be temporary but you may have to make some adjustments to your daily life for now.

6. Go to the doctor together

It can be really helpful to go to medical appointments together (if you both feel comfortable with this).  This helps in a number of ways. Your partner will feel supported if she knows that you will take the time to go with her to understand what is happening during her menopause. You and your partner will also be able to discuss what the doctor may have said during the consultation which helps with decision making.

7. Think about what else is going on.

Menopause doesn’t happen on its own in your partner’s life. In fact menopause happens when there are many other things going on, like changes in the family, changes to roles and work, changes with friendships, with parents and maybe even with you. Think about how other things that are going on might also be influencing your partner’s health and experience of menopause.

8. Communicate - don’t mind read

If something is worrying you or you are confused about something, then ask your partner about it. Remember you don’t have to fix it, you may just need to listen and try to understand.

9. Don’t blame everything on menopause

Even though menopause may be an easy explanation for grumpiness, sadness and moodiness, you do need to be careful that you try and distinguish what is menopause-related and what may be caused by other life factors that are impacting on your partner. Doing this helps with getting the proper treatment for what may be ailing your partner. For example, sometimes it is easy to blame menopause for depression when in fact depression is far more likely to be caused by other life factors like illness or low self esteem.

10. Seek help from a range of practitioners if appropriate

If your partner is suffering because of menopause-related concerns, it is important that you access the help that is out there. This may be a doctor, a qualified naturopath, psychologist, dietitian or even a physiotherapist. There are many different ways of managing menopause and it is important your partner feels she is getting appropriate, balanced information and treatment.    

Content Updated December 23, 2008